Monday, October 12, 2009

old attics

I am an old attic. 

I listen to the same music i have always listened to. the stuff i remember my dad playing over and over again. the songs that we used to listen to as we rock and rolled our way to a clean house. the songs we listened to on long road trips. the songs i listened to when i lost my first love. the songs i listened to when i was confused. the songs that i listened to when i was lost. the songs that help bring a smile to my face. i can remember the feelings that slipped into my mind as i listened to them. the songs we listened to while in an empty parking lot.

I have the same thoughts that ran through my head as a young naive innocent child, the thoughts of questioning, the everyerthing that went through my head.

I like to keep old things too. I like to keep those t shits i got at soccer camps, at tennis camps, at summer camp. I like to keep my favorite shirt from 7th grade. I like everything that is old. I like old things. I like old nike shoes, i like old toys, i like old magazines, i like old things. 

I am worried I hold on to the past too much, and sometimes i wonder why. However at the same time, i am not a dweller of the past. I like to move fast, i like to move forward, i always want what is next before its here, i dont spend enough time in the present time. some   times   i   want   to   slow   down. othertimesiwanttogofaster. and yet still other times i just like to be what it is right now. i want to do my life.

~ ~ ~

right now what makes me smile.

a drink with good friends.

a look into another thoughts.

the times when we see something new in this crazy world.

the cool breeze that is now coming back to this place where i dwell.

I like to see high school students singing in a chior in front of thousands of fans, with the proud parents waving to their children, and the shivers that over come my body. those moments when u just are in awe of feelings. that can over take your body with no signs or reason, but just do. they bring smiles to your lips, and quiver your legs and arms, and warm your heart, in a way that is not very describable, yet very knowable at the same time. 

its a nice crisp pear.

~ ~ ~

I dont know what is going on in this head of mine right now. but i know its an important time. I just really need to focus on what i want, because the next little while is going to prove to be quite important. Its a chain of events that has given rise to this new brain which is trying to tell me a few things. its feelings that i have felt before coming back in new shapes and colors, and its trying to do what is right. its all this. and its this.

its nice to have something floating around in my thoughts that is always there to make me smile. it brings smiles to my face when walking around on the street, in the middle of class, while enjoying a nice quite time in my mind, while reading a book, while riding the bus, while watching tv. those smiles that just kinda creep on to your face. these thoughts are a little bit controlling, but at the same time a little bit nice.

well its monday evening, and these are the words that are flowing out from my fingers.