Friday, November 14, 2014

Worst feeling

You know what is a horrible feeling... the feels that you get when you leave a place and wonderful people that you know you may never get to see again.

I have had a fair number of the goodbyes in my life. Living in a few countries, city's, towns, etc in the short time that i have bee walking this earth. And they are not that bad, because usually I am saying goodbye to friends who I know I will see again; who i know i will keep in contact with all the time.

This is my first goodbye in the office. I feel so so sad. I am saying goodbye to some amazing people who i have shared so many moments with. Who have taught me so much. and its strange because we have been through so much. It is just that they dont know the details. they know when im down and pick me up - we just dont talk the details. i know when they are down and I try my best to be there. I just dont know the details. and so its so so strange to say goodbye. because we are so close yet so far. they have held me and i have held them we just don't know for what reason we held each others hand. and i am so sad to be leaving these great moments behind and these great people. I know I will see some of them again. but some of them i will only speak to once in a while. and some i may never see again.

today is a sad day and it made me understand the complexity of relationships. everyone is great and i know to cherish them all. but this time i just feel empty because i cant even explain why i wont see them again. it just is this way. the relationship was based on these premises. and sure, i will see some of them again because we broke the premise and became real friends. but real means nothing in terms of goodness. because the real friends are just as important as the coworker friendship. i just wont see the coworker again and this is sad.

and so this is goodbye to the north east and to the previously untraveled land. i have enjoyed it so much and it has given me so much. and i will forever be changed by the memories here. i feel like i am leaving so much untapped and that i will miss so much of this land.

There is really nothing to say except endless thankfulness for the experiences and memories.