Monday, August 23, 2010

a series of numbers

i think my life is a series of choices. some are bigger then others and some seem smaller at the time but end up being quite huge.

i have just made another one of those big choices. i am going back to the place that started this blog. the first entry was about leaving the place where i spent most of my life to come to the place where my life began. now a year and a half later i will be leaving my original land and returning to the place that supported me for so many years.

i am still not sure if it is the best choice, but it seems like the right one to make right now. i dont have to make this choice, and sometimes i still dont want to make this one. but its done now, and i will be off. i hope it turns out to be the right one. but i dont think there is a right choice. choices just lead us to different opportunities. i hope the good ones come my way.

i am going to miss a lot of things. when i first moved into the box that i sleep in now, it didnt exactly seem like a great place, but i am going to miss it. i will miss this place. i am going to miss the places that seem like home to me now. i am going to miss the kids who i have seen 4 times a week or more for the last year plus. i find it interesting that when i was young older people made big impacts on who i am today and i prolly made no impact on them. while now i have learned so much from these elementary school kids. i am not sure if they will remember me, or if i have made them different people, but they have changed me forever. its strange how that happens. i think its strange at least.

well there is about 30 days left and im gonna have a lot more choices to make. its going to be a great series of choices that will help wrap up this chapter in my novel.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

sunday morning conversations

do you want to have a sunday morning conversation with me? in my head? imaginary style? because i do.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

when you meet someone...

when i meet someone new. every time. there is some sort of amazingness.

Its funny to me. i guess its sort of a given. you meet someone new, and there is things about them which are pretty sweet. that first time we meet someone, its a mystery. will i meet them again? maybe. will we be good friends? will we see each other often? maybe i wont see them for a long time, but when i see them again will it be like the first time? i am kind of obsessed with meeting people. i can't really tell you why but it is fascinating to meet new people. its a puzzle. a game. i will never get better at it, but i still enjoy it.

do you have some goto things to talk about? i dont. i think i talk about different things. sometimes certain things seem right to ask, while others dont. sometimes i will get their age, other times i wont. sometimes i will hate them and then like them, and sometimes i will hate them and hate them. are encounters really important? do we need many friends? or is it just kinda fun to make up little stories about people and pretend we know them.

recently i have been obsessed with imaginary friends. i used to have some as a kid. its funny though. i had a lot of friends as a kid, and i wouldnt say i was a lonely child. but, i still had a lot of imaginary friends. i talked about them as if they were real. i called them on the phone. and it was nice. also it was a whole family. i have never thought about why or if it is important that it was a family of imaginary friends. but now that i think about it its kinda interesting. I mean i think most imaginary friends are friends which are about the same age as us so we can talk to and relate with them. but i had it all, a pops a mother and some brothers and sisters. I also had a lot of stuffed animals, just gathered at gifts throughout my baby life. i used to stay up half the night talking with them. they were my friends as well. some of them were mean to me at times, some were nice, they were real friends. every night i would climb into bed and be in that animal world. i actually named it that. in my head of course. this is the first time i have talked about animal world with anyone. kinda strange, its just as odd as imaginary friends, or just as normal. i didnt sleep that much as a child because of this second life i lived in with the animals. i miss them sometimes.

i wonder why it all stopped. why don't i have that imaginary life anymore? is life too complicated now to have 2 or more? am i too old for it? im not sure, but i kinda want that imaginary creativity back.

"i'm never going to know you now, but i'm going to..."

Sunday, August 8, 2010

the things that stand out

there is a lot that stands out to my eyes.