Monday, June 27, 2011

talking a walk

sometimes i want to take an endless walk. the kind of walk that you might imagine in your head. the kind of walk filled with the flowers that you want to see, the trees, the smells, the breeze, the water droplets. i am not sure what the best walk might look like or taste like or smell like or feel like, but i know that i want to be on that walk.

i want to meet some nice or mean spirits during that walk. i want to feel the thoughts of those animals i might encounter. i want to get lost. i want to eat the things that will be growing along the way. i want to dwell deep into that new land.

sometimes i wish i was on that walk. and sometimes i feel like im on this walk, wanting to be on that walk. but i feel so guilty to long for a different walk. i dont want to have feelings of guilt. i just want to have all the other emotions. i love the different feelings that make the sweat fall out from my skin and the feelings when time seems to some how change and it seems to be more understandable and not so constant. i like those times.

sometimes i am so happy to be on this walk. so endlessly happy. looking back, there are endless greatnesses which i have already experienced at this young age. so many amazing spirits. so many amazing thoughts which i have felt from those other creatures. a lot of nice smells haunt my mind.

the rain has washed away so much. i think if it just rains for the rest of my life i will be okay. just rain more and more and more. i dont want it to ever stop raining.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


graduation speeches are always nice. i wanna go on a graduation marathon. try to listen to all of them. so much motivation in them. all that aspiration. all the drive or the fake drive or the drive that we think we are supposed to have. i will be waiting to see what dreams you make come true. what passion you find. i will be waiting for the time when your eyes really look alive and that you show me how much you want that one thing that you will be working so hard to get. i wanna see that. i want to see when you break away from this place and find your place where all your thoughts lead you. the place that keeps you up at night.

those are the best things. if they can keep you up at night, they are good. what was the first thing that kept you up? i think for me it was soccer. i wanted to be better. always. i wanted to be a bit taller too. i thought if i sang "i wish" enough i could be jordan. don't think i got there. the things that people say that touch us in special places, are always the best paintings. i think its time to be the lemmings and jump off to the new place, we don't know where we might be going, but we gotta jump. talking to my self. i will be the best sheep farmer. i dont want to encounter bad sheep anymore. only good ones. i want to make good paintings. good pictures. and eat nice sheep.

goodbye ruby tuesday
who could hang a name on you
when you change with every new day still i'm gonna miss you...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


its pretty hard stuff.

why is it that it is so simple and easy to trust and see the beauty and honestly and sincerity and truthfulness from a person who rose from nothing. All those successful people, all those stores we hear on the television, all those heartbreaking stories of the kids who rose from their dirt covered streets with only their dreams and imaginations. We can look at them, see into there minds, and we instantly trust them. Is it that innocence of expectations? Are we that laced in the expectations around us that we lose that sincerity? that honestly? that trust?

How can we get it back? All the things that drive us are part of the system which we live in. That uncle that tells you what you should be. the Grandma that expects something. the little sister looking on to her older brother for a path of goodness. do we somehow lose some goodness trying to be that good? we are so stuck in the system and so busy trying to beat the system, that we lose so much. I dont want to lose anything anymore. i want to find something nicer then that. can we leave the system? can we escape it? can we find it with our greedy ways. is cleverness a bad thing? are foxes evil?

i think that is why i like oranges. they are pure. they are orange.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

new starts

i feel like im getting a chance to start again. I feel lucky to be off to start a new adventure in a new city with a good outlook. i dont wanna grow up yet i guess. its strange because while most of my friends are working real jobs. going steady. enjoying different things then me. thinking of start ups. eating at fancy restaurants. buying cars and houses. im about to take out a monster loan for some graduate education. i guess its kinda nice though. i am not sad to be living at home. to have a new adventure on the horizon. a chance to live on the other side of the country. i am quite satisfied with the choices i have made and those which have been made possible for me. living across the world for 2 years. and now to go live across the country and grab a nice education while im at it. i just hope the future will lead me to more adventurous and more fun. i dont want to be tied down. dont let me get stuck somewhere. i dont want to ever own something that will tie my down. and because of all this i wonder why i am really always on the run. i dont think im running from something. i think of it as more trying to find something. i want to find that true stuff so bad, that im willing to go anywhere to get it. if you call me tomorrow telling me there is a great opportunity across the world in some crevice of a place. ill be on a plane tomorrow. just make sure that crack in the world has the true stuff. the truth.