Tuesday, December 24, 2013


It is winter. It is cold. I am parking outside again. So i can see my breath in the morning. Which is a big upgrade from last winter. The downgrade is digging out of my parking spot. Snow loves to cover the ground and take over my parking spot. I think its a good trade. my breath for shoveling. 

one thing i have been noticing recently is how much people, myself included, claim they do not have time for things. as we get older we have less and less time. we have less time until the day we die. we have less time to do nothing, because we are busy trying to make money to spend on nothing. the more we work. the less time we have. but the more money we can have. and more importantly, if we work well, we can upgrade our minds and spirit. we can gain talents to use later. to make more money. or at least we can tell someone that we have experienced so many great things that will make it worth while paying me too much money. but really, time is time. you know? we can make time for anything. not having time to do something is so lame. and if you break it down, we do have time. it amazing the things i tell myself i dont have time for. every time i have heard myself say this sentence in the last year has been a lie. i have time to do all the things i have wanted to do or someone has asked me to do. i just make up some lie in my head to justify not having time. if i want to work out, i can make time. if i want to watch a football game, i can. if i want to eat dinner with a friend. i can. not having time is such a lame excuse for everything. i also think it is hilarious when other people complain they dont have time. because if you could really analyze it, i guarantee they have time. maybe they have to cut down on something else. however, when someone says they don't have time for something, it is almost always more important than something they might have to cut down on. time is so complicated. and so abstract. and so fake. but time is ours and we can do what we want with it. not having time is silly. and although i love silly, i will attempt to understand time more. lets make time. if we can manufacture time we can win.

you know what is one of the worst feelings of all time. when someone feels sad for you. like when they ask you a question expecting a good happy answer. but the truth is empty nothingness. and they completely expected goodness. but the answer is nothingness. and i am okay with it. i am happy with it. but they are so confused and have nothing to say because there is no answer. and they scrabble to say something to somehow make it better. but there is nothing. because the answer is not bad, it is just nothing. and that makes me feel bad. because they are scrambling to cover up something that is. it doesnt need anything else. its just some silly system telling them that things are supposed to be a certain way, when the truth is that they dont need to be. 

the power of the desire to agree with those around you is endless and really is ugly. i know i want to agree with others too. i can catch myself being like yea i agree when know i am in complete disagreeance. i try not to be that way. but sometimes it is just the easy way out. but that power to want to agree is so ugly. so so ugly. 

ageing is fun.

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