Friday, December 19, 2008

number two

Thinking back to the days when I was younger and dumber, I wonder how I have changed over the years. Sometimes I still want to hide behind that facade of being the young dumb kid that was always questioning, always competitive, and always willing to go further.

It feels like the questions in life get easier. When I was young, or younger, I think I might have lacked not the understanding of the answer to the question, but maybe what the question was in the first place. Today, I generally understand the questions, making the answers a bit more straightforward. However they still seem hard.

Today it snowed a lot.

When I play, I play hard. My body is taking a lot of abuse. I think I should start to be more careful. Coming home with a bruised elbow, sore knee, and very messed up hip, is probably not the best idea. However it’s such a hard transition. In my nature I just like to push it to the edge of the envelope. There is no in between, I got all out, or stand alone in the corner. I don’t mind putting my body on the line.

I remember once I was in the mountains with my cousin, and we always do crazy stupid shit together. So we were randomly climbing up cliffs, there was some snow, but not a lot. We both lost out grip and scratched our chests off. The blood and lost skin was just part of the enjoyment. We were both laughing miserably as we landed on the ground. The aftermath was not so fun, but just part of the victory over the mountain.

~ ~ ~

So its this time of year that I always start to feel this way. It’s the winter; it’s the holiday season. The summer has come and past. The fall has come to steal away the leaves, and change the colors of our minds. And then the snow comes the cleanse the air, just the smell of the freezing air alone can take me through and endless journey that I can trace and memorize.

It’s the time of year when I reflect a lot, and think too much. I talk to friends who return for the holidays. They always bring me new perspectives on life, and tell me about what I miss out on. Although impossible to explain, some of my best friends I don’t talk to all that often. Its just those scattered conversations that we share, but that is enough. They know me well, they know how my mind works, and they can get into my head so fast.

I also sometimes wonder if sometimes, just sometimes, I am having imaginary conversations.

Well I think that is enough rambling for the time being.

“weightless as I close my eyes, the ceiling opens in disguise.”
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