getting older and having questions

sometimes i scared of the next step. i'm never sure what is next and what should be next. Also i dont know if what is next is the right next.

right now i am pretty happy. its funny, the things that i thought would make me happy are not exactly what i think will make me happy anymore. its strange i realized im just as greedy if not more greedy then everyone else. i have this bad habit of putting myself higher then a lot of people, not like specific people, but just higher then your avg man. just a little manlier then the avg man. just a little bit more moral then your moral lion. i used to think i had to be distressful, whatever that is anyways. is it so when someone says mr. ryan what is your job, I can wow them with something they dont understand? I never wanted to say im a doctor. i did once want to say i was a lawyer but that was when i was in 5th grade. i think i would be a good archeologist. maybe i should have keept polishing rocks. at this point teaching kids is actually pretty fun. it is rewarding, and talking to kids everyday is, iunno more mind opening then i could have ever imagined.

I think soon, i will be off to more school somewhere more prestigious then my undergrad days. lets build that resume where i can tell people hey im pretty cool and not so avg. then get a cool job. some people get jobs b/c their parents want them to carry that prestige, but not me. my parents would be happy with anything that i was doing grated it was legal and morally correct in the eyes of my mother.

i spend to much fighting the system. we want to be that something else, that person that is not in the system. there is so much reward for being ahead of the system. like remember when that kid who is dressed slightly funny? then in 6 months he is the coolest kid ever? that was me. but im sure you have seen one before too. that is being ahead of the system. but still in the system; a predictor of that system. cool huh? or how about the ones that are not in the system at all and just always strange. they all help to define the system. we have to be aware of that system, and then we gotta tango with it (im gonna steal that). tangos are not fun, and really just shouldnt be around. unless you want to tango with me b/c im better then you and i will win.