Monday, April 30, 2012

i guess what i am trying to say is that i will always be a child who is nervous and fit for fear


sometimes i wonder about fear. some people say that fear is failure. some people say fear motivates them. some people say fear is only for children. RZA says in his book tao of the wu that enlightened men do not fear. i guess i dont want to be enlightened. i think fear can be silly at times. but i cant deny the power of fear. depending on where you stand, fear can be perceived differently. my biggest fear as a child were silly things. like a man entering from my window and taking me away. i would think happy thoughts to fight off the bad ones. i also had a stage where i feared that we were like ants to something else. the way that i could play with ants, i thought maybe someone else could play with me. that was scary. i remember one of my childhood friends was most scared of an armageddon like event.

today i think i am most scared of being content. i dont want to reach the end of the tunnel. its all in the chase. i dont want to feel comfortable. i want to always feel like im falling like i need to grab something like i need to reach higher like i need to run faster like i need to yell louder like i need more. i dont want to sit still for too long. i dont want it to always be noisy. i want silence. but i want confusion. i want new experiences. i want to constantly change.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i will always be a child who is nervous and fit for fear.
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