shifting

the seasons seem to be changing again. the humidity is coming out the heat is going to come along soon as well. it reminds me of other times. no mater how much i hate the heat and  humidity, it reminds me of some good times. and i think i can learn to like it. maybe. i used to hate warm rain too, but now i like it. not as much as cold rain, but warm rain is completely different and nice too.

normally i make those big shifts in the winter. i have always made the largest biggest and scariest choices in the winter. but i think this year its going to be the summer. i can feel a real shift coming along and for once it might be in the warm times. it might be a little scary though, i mean i hate the heat and i want to make a big time choices in the times i love deeply and endlessly. seems dumb. but dumb things are always good things. without being a little dumb, i would be pretty boring. maybe i am already boring, but i might be more boring. who knows maybe i will start to enjoy heat and sweating. i guess i do like sweating, just not when im not supposed to be sweating. if we are ever not supposed or supposed to be doing anything. i dont think i am very certain about what we are supposed to or supposed to not be doing. and if it is really that important. sometimes its strange that i have these feelings of what i am supposed to be doing. someday i hope to do the things that i want to do. not sure what those things are yet, but it might involve sweating a lot. and maybe not. i kinda like it when sweat stings my eye balls. i also like when sweat dries with salt everywhere. it reminds me of the great salt lake where salt is dried everywhere. i like when water dries and leaves marks of something. not sure why but its kinda nice. although im sure that that is also supposed to be gross. im just trying to transition into what i want to be and transition away from what im supposed to be.