Monday, October 14, 2013


so there is something about neighborhoods in the east that is a truly better than the west. great little spots of migrating crowds of people. to mature communities with similar ethnic traits, similar lifestyle choices, really similar anythings; you could probably correlate color of clothes worn to different neighborhoods in nyc and bk.

the last week has been a bit of nostalgic fun layered with desires from my past.

a great friend came from my younger years to the city where i live now for a week. he was working, so it was kinda like the old days. schooling/working by day. kicking it by night. doing dumb things on the weekend. it was pasthood in the newhood. it was great. we ate endlessly, which is what we do best.

went to the big city to see some old friends. and i realized how bad i am with time. apparently i have not seen these two people for 3 years. it seemed like yesterday the moment i saw them. everything was the same. time apparently didn't make them dissipate from my thoughts. good times with my bad conception of time.

i guess we get caught up with the stuff we are doing. we forget to be cliche because its cliche. how dumb. im cliche and i love it and i wont change it. its walking that fine line where all the good stuff is anyways. enjoy everything dont get caught up in the dullness of life. find the joys in all that is done. even things that are purely structured and inefficient by structural design. all processes have ways of being important. scattered conversations with new people that are cool people change the path of my life every time. its not like i meat a person and instantly change my life. its like this person brings a new idea into this head of mine and changes the way i can think. and that nuanced change in thinking may change my next choice. or my next next choice. and those changes will change my path. and those are the encounters which are so vital to my own happiness. i met at least 4 ppl this weekend whos conversations or observations of the way that they live have changed my thoughts. i have this problem where i keep seeing them in my head playing these mannerisms or playing their intensity of living, that just brings a smile to my face. its like they were so good at being them and living amazingly as them. i love ppl who are good at living as themselves. you know when u meet someone new that just seems like they are good at being them? it makes no sense when i write it, but maybe you can understand when u meet someone who is so bad at being who they are trying to be. well this good one is the opposite of that. and when someone is good at being them, i love it. i love them.

i went to a tiny intimate concert on sat night. brings me back to my youth when shows were frequent. and it was def fun. i enjoyed it a lot. bushwick. what a place.

i normally just read stuff written on walls as like raw advertisements of life you know. like people writing things that they think other ppl will like. but sometimes i read somethingthing that is amazinging.
"drink and don't regret"

and the desires. well my life on paper is boring to anyone who is not me. im sure people think i suck as a person. which i really do according to anyone who is not in my field. because we do suck. but one thing i can assure u is that we usually have a pretty sweet dark satiric humor that stems from being hated. and who doesnt like self deprecation. we also think we are better than everyone else because we are. but before i was this i was something else. my younger years were spent being a meteorologist, geologist, writer, mathematician, and creator of abstract dumb looking things. i imagined the universe all day long where i was a scifi maniac in my head making mobiles and drawings. i was a collector of all rocks, polishing them in my rock tumbler, which is still a prized possession which i think all children should have. actually i think from now on each child that gets a gift from me will get a rock polisher. i wrote crazy stories that made no sense with rambles that mimic my rambling self. when i first learned what a square root was i was so amazed and in awe that i made a square root book. like i just starting listing square roots of every number using a calculator. i dont know where this book is now. and the making of trash. man i loved making ugly stuff. i think im good at making ugly things because i can not make pretty things. my penmanship, my drawing ability, my painting ability. i will not ever beat a 7 year old at these categories. but if you want ugly stuff, i will crush u.

someday my house will be filled with ugly trash i made. its going to be amazing. the person i love told me recently that she wanted to make things to put in our someday house. i hope that happens. because i think she will make pretty things. and i can make ugly things. and somehow we can both think they are ugly and pretty and it will be nice.
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