Sunday, August 25, 2013

thankfulness

childhood memories, memories, and being a child. I was watching mad men and i am reminded of childhood through sally. I also recently asked my sister a question i had never thought of before, what her first memory of me was. i guess i should be happy with the response because it involves a large animal my favorite noun and my sister. it also awoken name calling that was good. we used to call each other different types of poop. but somehow whale poop was the best one. i felt sad that i never thought to ask her that before. it seems so important, and after learning what that first memory was, it is clear just how important it was. 

i usually dont watch tv. i really try to stay away from it. im like that stuck up kid that thinks tv is bad. i do watch a few things here and there, but i really try to stay away. recently i have been watching more tv than ever, not really sure why. well i think it is because i canceled cable and got a roku with hulu. its not good to have a whole season of shows in front of you. which got me thinking, i have this idea that tv is bad. it always sparks memories and ideas. and maybe it is trying to sell stuff. but i like to buy stuff. i mean reading is great. and it doesnt come with guilt. and it is cool and i can be stuck up saying i read stuff. but is tv really bad? i mean no one can make me think its good. i will continue and probably forever think tv is bad. i will still have one, and i will still watch some. but that i will still think it stinks. i just want to get away from the system. but instead i have placed myself in this place where i an in the system of trying to not be in the system. i guess that is me though.

the person i love sent me a gift. inside were lots of things, notes, candy, vitamins, pens, and notebooks. Today i realized this is the best gift to receive in my place right now. I started a new diary. its more of a me and my day diary. i like to write here because i can look back on it and i like that idea that others can read it and that it will be safe forever. i hate the idea that so many great things were written in my notebooks from school, random notebooks in bags that i carried along my adventures, and i hate that they are there and i wont ever seen them again. i like the idea of writing things to be stored in pages that wont be read again. or probably not read again. although i have tons of notebooks with all kinds of trash written inside in boxes in at my parents house. no one should read that though. they might find out how smart i am. anyways, i started a daily note thing to myself for myself. to track my daily life and what i did that is important. i want it to be for me and only me. which is strange because im not usually like that. i dont like to make things for myself. i like to show off. but i feel like i need that right now. like i need the dinner time "what did you do today" but now it will be the night time "are you proud of your day today"

respectable people amaze me. when i meet someone that i respect its amazing. i feel like it is the reason we live. to find those treasures. and its almost like that is all i ever want. i want to be that person for some other person someday. i want someone to meet me and to feel like they learned something about truth just by a small short encounter. if we spend enough time with someone they will show of their good stuff. but we are all good at something, we are all living things. my real motivation is just to be a good. 

i feel myself wanting to like everything. i want to experience more. the things i thought i didnt like, i want to like. i want to acquire the enjoyment of all things. recently it has been things in the sea. i want to eat all the sea things. 


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