sincerity

its pretty hard stuff.

why is it that it is so simple and easy to trust and see the beauty and honestly and sincerity and truthfulness from a person who rose from nothing. All those successful people, all those stores we hear on the television, all those heartbreaking stories of the kids who rose from their dirt covered streets with only their dreams and imaginations. We can look at them, see into there minds, and we instantly trust them. Is it that innocence of expectations? Are we that laced in the expectations around us that we lose that sincerity? that honestly? that trust?

How can we get it back? All the things that drive us are part of the system which we live in. That uncle that tells you what you should be. the Grandma that expects something. the little sister looking on to her older brother for a path of goodness. do we somehow lose some goodness trying to be that good? we are so stuck in the system and so busy trying to beat the system, that we lose so much. I dont want to lose anything anymore. i want to find something nicer then that. can we leave the system? can we escape it? can we find it with our greedy ways. is cleverness a bad thing? are foxes evil?

i think that is why i like oranges. they are pure. they are orange.

new starts

i feel like im getting a chance to start again. I feel lucky to be off to start a new adventure in a new city with a good outlook. i dont wanna grow up yet i guess. its strange because while most of my friends are working real jobs. going steady. enjoying different things then me. thinking of start ups. eating at fancy restaurants. buying cars and houses. im about to take out a monster loan for some graduate education. i guess its kinda nice though. i am not sad to be living at home. to have a new adventure on the horizon. a chance to live on the other side of the country. i am quite satisfied with the choices i have made and those which have been made possible for me. living across the world for 2 years. and now to go live across the country and grab a nice education while im at it. i just hope the future will lead me to more adventurous and more fun. i dont want to be tied down. dont let me get stuck somewhere. i dont want to ever own something that will tie my down. and because of all this i wonder why i am really always on the run. i dont think im running from something. i think of it as more trying to find something. i want to find that true stuff so bad, that im willing to go anywhere to get it. if you call me tomorrow telling me there is a great opportunity across the world in some crevice of a place. ill be on a plane tomorrow. just make sure that crack in the world has the true stuff. the truth.

i think

i am always ready for the next step. maybe i need to start thinking about the board room meetings that take place in my head. i need to find out all about those secret meetings in basement of my brain. did you get the memo that was left in the attic of my head? bottle up and explode.

another important conversation in that head of mine

its time for me to spill a little out again.

this month i will make a pretty big choice. and its not one of those things where my heart is one place and the logic is somewhere else. its not that confusing. its pretty straight forward. two very viable choices that will build foundations for a good happy life. whatever that is. i dont want a good happy life anyways. i want a crazy one where the world falls everyday. where i dont know where i will be tomorrow. so maybe i should choose that one. the option x. but im not that kid. i wish i was everyday though.

anyways. i dont know what to do. why do both choices have to be good? do things happen for a reason? i dont really think like that. ill just flip a coin. if you have a nice one please send me one. i dont have many nice coins.

yellowish

times are painting the view which is seen through some eyes on the face of our minds. Can you depict those sights? can you decode them? with the eyes that are so trustworthy? can you place your confidence in those color identifying machines? show me your ways and ill show you how to do it right.

bop

im gonna bop you

famous

if i ever become famous successful and amazing. i am going to give it all up and live in a winter wonderland. or under a bee hive. or under the ocean. is it strange that the only reason i would want be famous and successful is so that i could give it all up. thats my dream in life.