Saturday, December 31, 2011

so this is the last day of this year

Two Thousand and Eleven,

this is the first time i have wrote your name correctly. I am sorry for not treating you better. Your life has given me so much. your year will most likely go down in ryan history as one of the most pivotal years in my life. 

so many new things. so many fun times. so many hard times. the threat of real loss. watching some of my best friends making the ultimate vow. moving to a new place. thinking new thoughts. making new friends. making bad choices. making good choices. wanting to learn more. I think one thing i learned this year is how important family is, what family means, and the complexities of families. I guess i learn something new about what a family is every year. but this year i think i have somehow come to a new appreciation for the idea of a family and everything that it is. all the fear that comes with starting one. all the compromise that is laced within one. all the hidden sacrifices that are made. all the understanding that is present. and yet with all the complexities, with all the craziness, and with all the details, somehow balance and unity is upheld. 

one more year is coming to an end. friends are more important then ever before. i am at the cusp of making some big choices. i have a lot on my plate. i need to deal with the stress of my mind better. i need to continue to strive for the right path and the right ideas. i just hope i can sort out what right is. my wish for the next year is understanding. i want to open my mind and understand all that i encounter. i want to understand my school work well. i want to understand the people i love and care about better. i want to understand strangers. i want to hate no one. i want complete understanding. i think with understanding we can win a lot of battles. i like to win battles. and i will strive to win the battles of the next year with understanding. 

i will see you next year. special ramblings you are endlessly therapeutic and endlessly great. 

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