Thursday, March 29, 2012


looks like spring might be near. we saw a small tint of the heat a few weeks back. we are back to the blissful cold weather that i adore. today is my early day where i get to wake up early and walk around outside when the sun is shinning from the other side. or not shinning through. today was a nice day. wet ground, cold air, seeing your breath, nice smell, and it reminded me of home. funny how smell can do that sometimes. i can smell home sometimes. when i see my little sisters dog's hair on things of mine, i also feel at home. strange how dog hair can some how find its way into my things so much later. how did it get here?

funny how much having an older brother and a younger sister shapes things. you are always worried about the little one. always wanting to give the right advice. but knowing how sometimes being a younger one receiving help or support... advice is that last thing you want. trying to balance being a nice older brother and being a reasonable one. only wanting that little one to find things to get excited about. only wanting them to be passionate about something they like and then following that. and then having an older figure. always being the younger one following along or trying to. worried about stepping on their shoes. worried about how heavy it might be at the top. lucky for me he is stronger then me. i have always let him carry the heavy things. my words can be too heavy at times though. such a bad habit that is. dangerous words.

i hate the summer. not really looking forward to it. the heat. the sweat. the best part of summer is the outdoors. i guess i will have to add that back into my life. right now i feel like i just sit in chairs. different ones, but non the less chairs. i like chairs. i also like sitting and doing things. but sometimes breaking up the time is good. i wanna run dreams are haunting my thoughts lately. i dont like when thoughts haunt me. when i cant get things out of my head. i want to make them leave me alone sometimes. i want to convince them to leave me in my chair. because my chair is nice. but they dont like my chair. they want me to walk, run, or sit in a different chair. but i told them i dont want to. but they said i should. should i?

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